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July 29, 2003WAR AND HUMAN NATURE: THE COWBOY VS. THE THERAPIST        In our post-Freudian therapeutic age, geopolitical conflicts are increasingly viewed through a therapeutic prism. Personality trumps everything, and requires empathic understanding to solve problems. Media pundits simplistically focus on the presumed psychology of political leaders. An extreme version can be found in every column written by Maureen Dowd. Thus, President Bush was enacting his Oedipal wishes to triumph over daddy when he went to war with Saddam. Regrettably, the very person she so palpably loathes, at times seems to share her assumption that geopolitics is some form of therapy. His trust in his own ability to connect with the needs and feelings of others led him to decide that, for example, the former KGB man Vladimir Putin was someone he could trust. He famously looked into his soul. Unfortunately, Mr. Putin didn’t share President Bush’s benign view of human nature and simply made his own deals with Saddam and sided with the adversaries of America when he thought there was a possibility of weakening our power in the world. July 25, 2003ISLAMIC SCHOLARS REPORT THEIR RESEARCH FINDINGS AT STOCKHOLM CONFERENCEWhat would we do without Islamic research? July 24, 2003HORSEFEATHERS AWARD FOR REASONED DISCOURSE (2)        This week's winner: the noted Columbia University scholar, Edward Said. In an article in the Egyptian newspaper Al Ahram, Said describes Cynthia Ozick as the author of a "Hitlerian piece... in the Wall Street Journal on 30 June in which she speaks of Palestinians...(in)words that would be entirely in place at the Nuremberg rallies..." This is now the standard mode of legitimizing Jew hatred: equate Israel and its defenders with Hitler while casting the Palestinian savages as the beleaguered Jews of the Warsaw ghetto. Said goes on to slander various other authors like Bernard Lewis and Fouad Ajami, while ranting about the hateful United States in the grip of the "neocons"--code word for 'Jews'-- ("how a moderately intelligent bureaucrat like Paul Wolfowitz could be running policies of such colossal incompetence and, at the same time, convincing people that he knows what he is doing, boggles the mind.") No doubt Said will be hailed by the Columbia faculty for his courage in standing up to the powerful Jewish lobby. He is a worthy recipient of this week's Horsefeathers award for reasoned discourse. A FAILED LOVE STORY: JEWS AND THE LEFT        "Love is a madness" wrote Shakespeare, and surely there is no more telling illustration than the passion of Jews for left-liberalism. Once, when liberalism was young, it was a reciprocated love. That was many, many years ago, before liberalism became fatally infected by utopian fantasies, requiring scapegoats. Here is a remarkable essay by the Italian journalist Fiamma Nierenstein, a former Communist, who awoke from her irrational dreams and records her subsequent intellectual and emotional journey. Liberalism, as much as Communism, is the God that failed. She notes: "...The Left blessed the Jews as the victim "par excellence," always a great partner in the struggle for the rights of the weak against the wicked. In return for being coddled, published, filmed, considered artists, intellectuals and moral judges, Jews, even during the Soviet anti-Semitic persecutions, gave the Left moral support and invited it to cry with them at Holocaust memorials. Today the game is clearly over. The left has proved itself the real cradle of contemporary anti-Semitism..." PSYCHOBABBLE ALERT! ACADEMIC DIVISION        Horsefeathers welcomes the news from Berkeley's illustrious scientists that conservatism is a form of psychopathology, readily diagnosed. What next, psychotropics for these deviants? Perhaps conservatives could be helpfully treated in the manner of dissidents in the socialist paradise built by those wonderful dreamers of a better world, Lenin and Stalin. July 23, 2003STATE DEPT. CONDEMNS TARGETED KILLINGS OF UDAY AND QUSAY HUSSEIN. CALLS FOR DIPLOMATIC SOLUTIONState Dept. Daily Press Briefing March 5, 2002
The State Dept. quickly gained support for its position from anti-war critics in Congress, including Charles Rangel (Dem., N.Y.) who said on the Hannity and Colmes show (7-22-03) that killing Uday and Qusay had no legal basis since there was no proof offered that either of them was responsible for the deaths of American soldiers. Presidential candidate Richard Gephardt added that it was yet another instance of crude and “macho”, very un-French behavior by our military. He was shocked by rumors that the President reacted in cowboy fashion to the death of Saddam's sons by chortling: "Now let's Bag Dad". Gephardt promised a more sensitive, caring and empathic military when he is President. July 21, 2003SUMMER READINGCheck out Thomas Sowell's list of recommended books. Note his inclusion of Horsefeathers' own Rita Kramer: "..Ed School Follies* by Rita Kramer is an eye-witness account of what goes on in schools of education across the country. Once you understand the silly fads with which future educators are indoctrinated, it becomes easier to understand why the education provided in our schools leaves our children so far behind those in other countries..." *Ed School Follies is available here at Amazon July 20, 2003
In an attempt to stall the deliberative proceedings while his Democratic colleagues regrouped for a strategy session, Congressman Stark began to read a 91 page bill. According to The New York Times Chairman Thomas “let the reading go forward, then tried to gavel it to a close. Mr. Stark, who Republicans say has irritated ”Mr. Stark: "Oh you think you are big enough to make me, you little wimp? Come on. Come over here and make me. I dare you. You little fruitcake. You little fruitcake. I said you are a fruitcake." ”Mr. Thomas: "Recess is over. The classroom has been resumed." ”Later, on the House floor, Mr. McInnis said he feared a "bodily threat" from Mr. Stark, 21 years his senior. At some point - just when remains a mystery - Mr. Thomas called the Capitol police….” July 17, 2003July 17, 2003 HORSEFEATHERS’ FOOL OF THE MONTH: AND THE WINNER IS…THOMAS POWERS
In the meantime Werner Heisenberg remained in Germany and although he did not become a member of the Nazi party, he led the German team chosen to build an atomic bomb. The Nazis never succeeded in building one although they persisted in trying throughout the war.
Powers bases this notion on, among other ambiguous facts, a puzzling visit which Heisenberg paid to Bohr in Denmark in 1941. The reason for this visit, Powers suggests, was that Heisenberg wished to reassure Bohr that he, Heisenberg, was not going to help the Nazis build a bomb. Powers was so convincing that his book inspired Michel Frayn, an otherwise sensible and entertaining British playwright, to write “Copenhagen,” a play about this mysterious 1941 visit between Heisenberg and Bohr. The play had a mild success among New York and London intellectuals, but among ordinaries, like myself, it induced such a profound state of torpidity that one had to be rushed to a nearby watering-hole for an emergency Martini—Bombay Gin, straight-up, with an onion. But the play did stir up some controversy between those who felt that Heisenberg was a Nazi who tried to transform himself after the war into a “pure scientist” who had nothing to do with any bomb-making schemes during the war, and those who felt that he had worked for the Nazis tirelessly and had just simply never gotten the physics right. The matter was settled about a year ago when the Bohr family decided to release family documents. According to Bohr’s wishes they were not to be released until 2012, but because of the controversy it was decided to make certain relevant documents public. And these settled the matter once and for all. Much to the chagrin of Thomas Powers and the Pulitzer Prize committee. What follows is an excerpt from a letter by Bohr in 1957 on the occasion of the publication of “Brighter than a Thousand Suns” by Robert Jungk. In that book Heisenberg is quoted and Bohr’s letter (never sent) takes issue with Heisenberg’s statement:
“I have seen a book, “Stærkere end tusind sole” [“Brighter than a thousand suns”] by Robert Jungk, recently published in Danish, and I think that I owe it to you to tell you that I am greatly amazed to see how much your memory has deceived you in your letter to the author of the book, excerpts of which are printed in the Danish edition. “Personally, I remember every word of our conversations, which took place on a background of extreme sorrow and tension for us here in Denmark. In particular, it made a strong impression both on Margrethe and me, and on everyone at the Institute that the two of you spoke to, that you and Weizsäcker [Heisenberg’s student] expressed your definite conviction that Germany would win and that it was therefore quite foolish for us to maintain the hope of a different outcome of the war and to be reticent as regards all German offers of cooperation. I also remember quite clearly our conversation in my room at the Institute, where in vague terms you spoke in a manner that could only give me the firm impression that, under your leadership, everything was being done in Germany to develop atomic weapons and that you said that there was no need to talk about details since you were completely familiar with them and had spent the past two years working more or less exclusively on such preparations. I listened to this without speaking since [a] great matter for mankind was at issue in which, despite our personal friendship, we had to be regarded as representatives of two 2 sides engaged in mortal combat. “That my silence and gravity, as you write in the letter, could be taken as an expression of shock at your reports that it was possible to make an atomic bomb is a quite peculiar misunderstanding ….If anything in my behaviour could be interpreted as shock, it did not derive from such reports but rather from the news, as I had to understand it, that Germany was participating vigorously in a race to be the first with atomic weapons.
“It is quite another matter that, at that time and ever since, I have always had the definite impression that you and Weizsäcker had arranged …. the visit to us in order to assure yourselves that we suffered no harm and to try in every way to help us in our dangerous situation. “This letter is essentially just between the two of us, but because of the stir the book has already caused in Danish newspapers, I have thought it appropriate to relate the contents of the letter in confidence to the head of the Danish Foreign Office and to Ambassador Duckwitz.” He calls assassination “personalized killing” and says “…much of the public continues to oppose it as both dangerous and wrong - dangerous because it commits the United States to a campaign of murder and countermurder, and wrong because hunting people down, however it plays in the movies, excuses murder by calling it something else….the administration has quit arguing the rights and wrongs of killing enemies, and makes plain its determination to kill Mr. Hussein if he can be found.” Not even the fact that Saddam Hussein has refused to acknowledge that he has been removed from office and a new interim government has taken over and that he and his supporters continue to wage war in Iraq makes any difference to Mr. Powers’ analysis of the situation. In fact he seems to suggest that Mr. Hussein cannot be considered a wartime enemy because in Powers’ view we are not at war. “Can it still be called assassination if it is carried out in wartime? Does a White House decision to attack Iraq make it ‘a war,’ and thereby turn Mr. Hussein into a legitimate target?” Mr. Powers’ analysis labors under several handicaps: his denial of reality—the way things work in the real world of international politics—his ignorance of history, and, worst of all, his moral idiocy. Political Murder—assassination—is and has been an instrument of politics for as long as war has been. And just as there have been good wars and bad wars and indeterminate wars, the same can be said of assassinations. And of course, what determines whether a war or an assassination is good or bad depends on what side you are on and at what point in history the assessment takes place. Today there is no doubt that Lincoln’s assassination was an unmitigated evil, but at the time of the event the North and South felt differently about it. The assassination of Hitler, though all attempts failed, would, we would all acknowledge, have been desirable. In 1944, the German General Staff would have welcomed his murder, though most of the German Volk would have been devastated. The assassination of Admiral Francois Darlan in Algers in December of 1942 is an example of the complexities of international affairs and the way in which responsible men of power do things that have to be done in the service of national interests. In order to achieve a bloodless invasion of North Africa, Eisenhower and the Americans were forced to make a deal with Admiral Darlan, who was defense minister of the pro-Nazi Vichy government and High Commissioner of French North Africa. Although the deal was strategically advantageous to the Allied military aims, it left Darlan in charge of the French North African forces. Not only was this arrangement politically awkward, but it left a military force in the hands of an unreliable pro-Nazi French leader. Darlan, a man with an odious record, was universally detested as a symbol of collaboration by the free French and the French resistence, and Churchill was roundly criticized in Parliament for allowing Darlan to remain in authority. Churchill wrote in his wartime memoirs that Darlan’s murder “…however criminal, relieved the Allies of their embarrassment at working with him.” Churchill’s problem was that he had to choose between supporting Roosevelt and the American deal, or supporting De Gaulle in post-war France. At stake was the political future of France. It was a crisis, according to British historian David Stafford, “that cried out for special action. The assassination solved the problem.” (“Churchill and Secret Service” link) On the afternoon of Christmas Eve, 1942, a 20-year-old Frenchman waited patiently for Darlan to return to his official residence in Algiers after a long lunch. When he arrived, he coolly shot him twice in the belly with a pistol. When British Secret Service was accused of the assassination, Churchill ordered an “inquiry,” and the next day Admiral Cunningham, according to Stafford, “was instructed to deny the charges. Whatever might be claimed, he was told, nothing could incriminate any branch of the British Secret Service, ‘who do not indulge in such activities.’ “Perhaps so,” Stafford goes on, “but extensive evidence exists of an active behind-the-scenes effort to rid the Allies of Darlan. Churchill no more needed to order the killing of Darlan than did Henry II that of Thomas a Becket.” In a strange coincidence, Stewart Menzies, head of MI 6, unbeknownst to even his closest associates, “was enjoying a Christmas Eve lunch on a sunny Algiers rooftop when Darlan was shot only a few hundred yards away. The assassin, Fernand Bonnier de la Chappelle, belonged to a paramilitary group that wore the Gaullist Cross of Lorraine as a shoulder patch. He had been given pistols by both the OSS and its British equivalent SOE. “Naively, Bonnier believed he would be hailed as a hero,” Stafford says. Instead, he was hauled before a court martial and shot by a firing squad forty-eight hours later. He was “buried at an unmarked site in a coffin thoughtfully ordered before his trial.” You can imagine how Mr. Powers would be clucking his tongue at the ruthless machinations of this deceitful and unpretty picture. The choice was between the cost of two lives and the cost of thousands of military casualties and a politically free post-war France. I will let the reader decide which of the two evils was the better choice. The problem with journalists like Powers who want guru status on the cheap is that they mix up reportage and political philosophy—the descriptive and the normative. Instead of describing or informing they feel compelled to moralize—at the most primitive level. Powers doesn’t seem to understand that nations are not individual people and that moral concepts can only appeal to individual consciences. They cannot apply to nations because there is no universally accepted code of morality that applies to all nations and cultures. In the West “Thou shalt not kill” is an imperative that is accepted universally. In Wahabbi Saudi Arabia jihad is the imperative—as a Muslim you are required to kill an infidel. Different strokes for different folks. Thus morality has a meaning only within a socio-political context, and has no meaning or use between societies and nations. Foreign policy is an amoral universe and national leaders are only obliged to define their nation’s aims and interests and find ways to achieve them using various combinations and permutations of force and persuasion—war and diplomacy—and their respective instruments: treaties, intimidation, and, yes, even assassination if that becomes necessary. July 16, 2003MEETING ROGER SIMONHorsefeathers enjoyed meeting Roger Simon at his book signing in New York City. We can report that the spouse of the anterior portion of Horsefeathers spent the better part of today immersed in Director's Cut and is eager to read all of his earlier novels. She loves Moses Wine! July 15, 2003HE CAN'T BE DUMB, HE READS MAUREEN DOWD AND PAUL KRUGMAN. HE'S A LIBERAL DEMOCRAT WHO WANTS TO BE PRESIDENT        Besides he can count as far as 3; it's once you get to really big numbers like 5 that he has trouble. THE ANTI-WAR PARTY"Now, let's imagine the future. What if he [Saddam] fails to comply and we fail to act or we take some ambiguous third route which gives him yet more opportunities to develop this program of weapons of mass destruction? Well, he will conclude that the international community has lost its will. He will then conclude that he can go right on and do more to rebuild an arsenal of devastating destruction. And someday, some way, I guarantee you, he will use the arsenal” - Bill Clinton, Meet the Press, February 17, 1998 ." And now, it is the future. The Democrats have morphed into the anti-war party, and Saddam--if he's alive--must be cheering them on. As my barber, Tony, a source of greater wisdom than the NYTimes Op-Ed page said to me this morning: "Why don't the Democratic Presidential candidates just put on those uniforms the enemy threw away, pick up some guns and join the fight against us." July 14, 2003LIBYA'S LEADER SPEAKS        "...AIDS, AIDS, AIDS. We hear about nothing else. This is terrorism. This is psychological warfare. AIDS is a peaceful virus. If you stay clean there is no problem," Gaddafi said in an impromptu 45-minute speech - which was supposed to have been a sweet and short thank-you address at the end of the summit. ARTICULATE IGNORANCE WATCH: CHARLIE ROSE INTERVIEWS HOWELL RAINES        For a beautiful example of wordsmith stupidity see the transcript of the Howell Raines interview by Charlie Rose. Note the repeated references by this arrogant self-flattering fool to the "hugely talented staff", the "most talented staff", etc. of the NYTimes. And of course, the self referential insistence on their superior intelligence: "...the great resource that the New York Times has, the great advantage it has over any other news organization in the world is brain power..." And of course, Raines's Times "is an irreplaceable national institution..." Pardon me while I get the barf bag. This is what Robert Nozick was talking about when he described the assumption of superiority on the part of wordsmith intellectuals. It is also the shared assumption that animates contemporary liberalism, as articulated daily in the NYTimes. Notice that not once does Rose or Raines address the way such liberal condescension informs the reporting of news. That is because, for all their verbal skills, they are blissfully unaware of the narrow limits of their own intelligence. July 11, 2003July 11, 2003
BEWARE CHRISTIAN FORBEARANCE IN MIDDLE EAST FOREIGN POLICY Yale Kramer
In war flexibility in the degree of ruthlessness is of vital importance. War involves such a variable collection of rapidly changing situations that our soldiers must be given allowance to change their military approach until the very last enemy has surrendered unambiguously or lies dead at their feet. On April 2 , April 8 and most recently July 6, Horsefeathers articulated some of its views on the politics of post-war Iraq. Events since the major fighting ended around May 1 require readjustment of our policies and methods. In the last two months we have learned the following: We have only partially defeated the regime, which was the primary military aim of the war. At best we have driven Saddam Hussein and his minions into hiding. It has become increasingly clear that the Syrians are blood brothers of the Sunni/Tikriti/ Saddamites and will conspire to store and hide Iraq’s weapons of mass destruction, hide Iraq’s top leadership, and provide guerrilla fighters to harass remaining anti-coalition forces. We know also that thousands of soldiers of the various Special Guard units took off their uniforms after the capture of Baghdad and faded into the background of everyday life awaiting the call to arms that they expect will come sooner or later. So there is a large segment of the Sunni Iraqi population that overtly or covertly continue to be our enemies. They actively and passively work against our aims and policies, and do not accept the idea that Saddam has been defeated and will never return. They know that in 18 months there will be another election in the U.S. and the next president may decide that commitments to Iraq are too costly and that that America may tire of war and casualties, as in the aftermath of Desert Storm, and leave Iraq. Saddam will then return and wreak his vengeance on any who helped the Coalition.
“The US military in extending the Iraqi battlefield to Syria… has found the border region inhabited by a hostile population of some two million Arab Bedouin nomads who have little regard for lines on the map…. Their tribal range .… encompass[es] the Al Qaim region abutting the Syrian border as well as the Saddam clan’s Iron Triangle defined by the towns of Ramadi, Samara and Tikrit north of Baghdad. “…. the Arab aristocracy of Syria, Jordan and Saudi Arabia is honored to establish marital ties with these Bedouin chiefs. Saudi Crown Prince Abdullah, for example, is married to a tribal chief’s daughter. “Sunni Muslims, these Syrian tribesmen are defined most of all by their Arab identity and allegiance. DEBKA-Net-Weekly’s military sources in the region have discovered them, even more than Saddam diehards, spearheading the guerrilla assaults on US forces in the Tikrit-Fallujah-Mosul Sunni enclave and blowing up northern Iraqi pipelines. Because of their support, the central Iraqi heartland remains effectively under the dominance of the Saddam Hussein clan and its supporters. “US military planning, according to DEBKA-Net-Weekly’s military and intelligence sources, had counted on first capturing Baghdad, then moving in on the “iron triangle” to sever the land links between the Syrian Bedouin and Iraqi Sunni Arab tribes. “This has not happened. American troops hold the centers of main Iraqi towns – or more realistically their military headquarter compounds and quarters as well as Iraq’s few main highways - but not the interior, which is ruled by Syrian Bedouin tribal fighters and Saddam loyalists.” This report, of course, provokes fear in some Iraqis and hope in others. And if it is even remotely true it is extremely important to revise our strategic aims and war policy immediately. These new realities must be acknowledged. And if the public is informed about the new situation in a timely way it will accept changes in policy. After all, this new understanding could not have been known before we put boots on the ground and Saddam to the test. But now we must adapt and reformulate our Iraqi policy to serve our own interests. Unfortunately, Bush foreign policy is driven, at least publicly, by Christian-American idealism, which in this case has taken the form of a rescue fantasy—we are going to save Iraq from Saddam the monster and replace him with Thomas Jefferson. This was not a war against the Iraqi people, we told the Iraqis and the world, but only against Saddam and his gang. Our soldiers were warned not to hurt the Iraqis, only free them and treat them kindly. Unlike other victors in the Middle East we did not rape, pillage, burn, and loot; instead we brought chewing gum, candy bars, ready-to-eat meals, potable water, and the anarchy induced by our friendliness, tolerance, and laisser-faire attitude which we, at first, mistook for freedom.
It is clear that we have brought peace to northern Kurdish Iraq and southern Shiite Iraq. Those areas of peace should be rewarded by being given priority in the process of reconstruction and political normalization. In western Iraq however, the so-called Iron Triangle and home of Saddam and his supporters—in cities like Tikrit, Falluja, Ramadi—the situation is totally different. There is no peace and no likelihood of peace until Saddam’s followers—visible and invisible—are completely crushed. This area should be publicly identified as a war zone in which wartime rules exist for the population. The population should be assumed to be enemies whose civil rights can not be returned until the area is pacified. They should not be rewarded by attempts at reconstruction. And indeed the restraints against civilian casualties cannot hold because many of the men in this area are combatants in disguise, and must be held responsible if non-combatant civilians are hurt. They can’t have it both ways—be secret soldiers and not be responsible for innocent victims. This area should not be occupied by our forces, so that they will not become targets for assassination and sabotage. The only purpose for sending troops into this area is for intelligence probes, raids, and attacking organized forces when they are found. (More about this below.) Baghad is a more complex problem. It is neither at peace nor at war with us. There appears to be a large number of enemy operatives at work who kill our soldiers, sabotage any attempts to reconstruct and stabilize the city, and threaten those who assist the coalition or would like to assist in the city’s revival. This situation requires the following solution:
This is a golden opportunity which was won in a brilliant war. We must not give it up. We’ve got boots on the ground which gives the US incalculable leverage and power amongst Middle Eastern nations. Our presence is a constant threat to our enemies and reassurance to our friends. Our military presence multiplies our diplomatic power tenfold. We can have constant monitoring of signal and human intelligence in powerful ways from this vantage point. We can mount small and large-sized incursions by Special Forces when necessary. And finally our sustained military presence will stabilize the region politically. The military presence should be distributed in various locations: a naval/ air base in the south, a central base in or near Baghdad, and an air base in the Kurdish north to keep the Turks reassured. These can be established on a fifty or hundred-year lease. Relax, Iraqis, we’re settling in for the long haul to protect you, not to occupy, you so you might as well get used to us. We will keep your dinars flowing. In order to keep our boys happy in Iraq their duty tours should not be longer than six months in the summer and nine months in winter with extra pay in the winter and double extra pay in summer. The military bases should be as comfortable and pleasant as they are at home so that when the men are not training or on a military expedition they can relax and enjoy themselves as they might stateside.
OUR NEW MILITARY STRATEGY Our new situation and understanding requires that all coalition forces adopt a new strategy. From now on we must be only on the offensive. We must give up all defensive tactics except to defend our own military centers. No more patrolling Baghdad and other cities on guard duty. We end up being sitting ducks in such situations. Those duties can be undertaken by the paramilitary force or by soldiers of other nations who make less appealing targets. Too often in our military history we have been targets of enemy guerrilla forces. We don’t do well in those situations. We’ve lost touch with our revolutionary ancestors, who were terrific at that sort of thing. They loved fighting guerrilla style, picking off the Redcoats one by one from behind rocks and trees. Western Iraq—from Baghdad to the Syrian border and beyond is a rough and tough country which lends itself to guerrilla warfare. If we tried to put boots on the ground and occupy the area of the Iron Triangle we would be playing our enemy’s game. And there is no need to. The support for Saddam’s insurgency in the Iron Triangle may persist for months or years, or even decades. But it doesn’t really matter as long as it remains confined to western Iraq and the rest of Iraq continues to progress and prosper. The only times that troops should be on the ground in this untamed section of Iraq is for the purposes of attack—intelligence probes, raids, getting weapons, attacking organized groups of the enemy, and finding Saddam himself. We must patrol the air space over this section with unmanned and manned aircraft and strike from the comfort of our bases when and where we wish. Our strategy from now on must be to do what our men do best—attack. The supporters of Saddam must know that they are in danger everywhere, and that there is no place to hide in western Iraq or Syria.
THE COSTS OF POLITICALLY CORRECT WARFAREVictor Hanson writes: See also Horsefeathers Doctrine (cont.)-below While Saddam's elite troops were clearly beaten, they were routed so rapidly and without extreme loss of life that they themselves, along with neutral observers, were not altogether sure that with their defeat would come humiliation and with humiliation readiness to change. Thousands of them now wonder whether killing an American or two isn't such bad sport, since they got off so easily during the real war — and wager that such magnanimity will still be typical rather than exceptional. The result is that we must now hunt down reprieved diehards one by one, at much greater danger and cost — and kill them individually (let us hope at the rate of 100 or so for every American shot at)...." July 06, 2003HORSEFEATHERS DOCTRINE (CONT.)        Horsefeathers believes that a realistic view of human nature is more likely to produce long term benefits for our country than a wishful utopian one. While President Bush is under relentless attack by critics intent on portraying him as a belligerent war lover, he actually shares one thing with his liberal war critics: a need to insist on our benign motives. We are not simply crushing those who would destroy us but rather, he insists somewhat defensively, bringing the benefits of freedom and democracy. Our military effort in Iraq has been characterized by extraordinary efforts to avoid civilian casualties. Call it “compassionate warfare”(see Victor Hanson)—in truth it reflects a deep and continuing desire to show a benign face, to gain, not just respect, but love. Many of Saddam’s soldiers had merely to throw away their uniforms, melt into the civilian population in order to survive, so careful were we to minimize civilian deaths. Furthermore, our post-modern military won such a clean victory, with so little carnage, that many in the Iraqi population don’t really understand that they lost! Berliners at the end of World War ll were grateful to be alive; they did not, like the residents of Baghdad, loudly protest the failure of perfection to arrive within a month. Residents of Tokyo dared not angrily demand that Americans instantly rebuild their country. They knew they had lost a war. While it’s true that many innocent civilians died, it’s also true that Germany and Japan have posed no threat to America since we conquered them. President Bush, though denounced by Democrats for being too belligerent, is in Horsefeathers’ view insufficiently clear minded about the need to utterly destroy our enemies.         Niccolo Machiavelli has gotten a bum rap from history. His name has become a symbol for deviousness. In fact, Machiavelli is worth reading precisely because his view of human nature is psychologically closer to reality than the benign liberal perspective. It is a useful corrective to the wishful thinking that elevates kindly motives over realism. We know that President Bush is not a man to devote much time to literary study and we have therefore boiled Machiavelli’s writing down to the following three quotes from The Prince, which could serve him well as a guide in our continuing war on Islamo-Nazism. "It is better to be feared than loved, more prudent to be cruel than compassionate "If an injury has to be done to a man it should be so severe that his vengeance need not be feared." "He who establishes a tyranny and does not kill Brutus, and he who establishes a democratic regime and does not kill the sons of Brutus, will not last long."---Niccolo Machiavelli, The Prince July 05, 2003July 5, 2003 HORSEFEATHERS FORCED TO RETHINK EXISTENCE OF GOD Maybe all that wintry weather in June was a clue. Or maybe we should not have dismissed what happened to Becky Nyang on the Greek holiday island of Corfu a couple of weeks ago. Some told her it was a miracle, but most people said it was a million-to-one shot and could never happen a again. There she was on holiday from a job at Heathrow working for Virgin Atlantic and having a ball when a bolt of lightning zeroed in on the lip and tongue piercings of the pretty service agent. “When it hit me all I could see was lightning. It was a bright blue and I couldn’t see anything else.” According to her hometown newspaper in Berkshire Co. she was temporarily blinded and unable to speak (We should hope so as this experience seems to us something worth thinking about.) She suffered burns to her mouth where the lightning hit the two metal piercings. “Two weeks later Becky, of Argyle Road, still finds sleeping difficult and is getting fed up with people joking about the holiday recharging her batteries.” It happened at the First Baptist Church in a quiet little town called Forest, Ohio. According to the Associated Press, a member of the church, Ronnie Cheney, said that the congregation was listening intently to a guest evangelist who was preaching repentance and asked for a sign from God. At that moment a bolt of lightning struck the church steeple, zapped through the microphone, blew out the system and enveloped the preacher. “Amesome, just awesome!” Cheney said The preacher, who was not injured, tried to resume the service but then realized that God was not to be dismissed lightly when he saw the church was on fire. Damage to the church was estimated at $20,000. Cheap at twice the price, O’ ye of little faith, Horsefeathers says.
July 04, 2003OXFORD UNIVERSITY'S RESPONSE TO PROF. WILKIE4 July 2003 A University spokesperson said: "The University of Oxford is appalled that any member of its staff should have responded to an inquiry from a potential graduate student in the terms in which Professor Wilkie emailed Amit Duvshani on 23 June. A thorough investigation began as soon as the University became aware of this correspondence. Based on the information that was collected during this process, and in the light of all the circumstances, particularly the importance attached by the University to fair processes of selection, the Vice-Chancellor, Sir Colin Lucas, has taken the view that this matter should be referred for consideration by the University's disciplinary panel for academic staff, known as the Visitatorial Board....." HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY 2003, FROM HORSEFEATHERSThe American Flag When freedom, from her mountain height --Joseph Rodman Drake The Declaration of Independence In Congress, July 4, 1776 When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation. July 03, 2003DARWIN AWARD FOR ADVANCES IN EDUCATION TO: THE RELIGION OF PEACETAKING ADULT ED SERIOUSLY Residents said the blast killed nine people, including the mosque's imam, or prayer leader. July 02, 2003CHRONOLOGY OF A BLOGSTORYOn 6/26, Horsefeathers received and posted a copy of the following letter from Oxford Professor Andrew Wilkie to Israeli, Amit Duvshani: Dear Amit Duvshani, Thank you for contacting me, but I don't think this would work. I have a huge problem with the way that the Israelis take the moral high ground from their appalling treatment in the Holocaust, and then inflict gross human rights abuses on the Palestinians because the (the Palestinians) wish to live in their own country. I am sure that you are perfectly nice at a personal level, but no way would I take on somebody who had served in the Israeli army. As you may be aware, I am not the only UK scientist with these views but I'm sure you will find another suitable lab if you look around. Yours sincerely Andrew Wilkie Nuffield Professor of Pathology, On 6/27 Naomi Ragen learned, via Horsefeathers, of Wilkie's letter and responded as follows: Dear Dr. Wilkie, You can accept or reject Mr. Duvshani on the basis of his academic qualifications. But to reject him on the basis of his qualifications as a human For shame, Herr Professor. For shame Oxford. Naomi Ragen On 6/27 Charles Johnson saw Naomi Ragen's letter and posted the Wilkie story at his superb and widely read weblog littlegreenfootballs. Other blogs, like Roger Simon's weighed in, and within hours the story spread round the world, via the blogosphere. By 6/29 the Drudge Report had picked up the story. Professor Wilkie began issuing apologies and requests for forgiveness. As usual, the last to catch on were the mainstream media, but as of today the NYTimes and the International Herald Tribune are on to the story. The multiplier effect of weblogs is transformative. The usual media censorship of acceptable, politically correct phenomena like academic anti-semitism, no longer holds sway. A small weblog, like Horsefeathers can be the butterfly wing flapping in New York that starts a tidal wave inundating anti-semites at Oxford. MICHAEL LEWIS AT THE BAT HE HITS A GRAND SLAM HOMER WITH HIS NEW BOOK, “MONEYBALL: THE ART OF WINNING AN UNFAIR GAME”
Michael Lewis’s Moneyball is about baseball the way Moby Dick is about whaling. It is a hard book to put down once you read the first page or two—and I’m only a fair weather friend of baseball. I love it when my friend and colleague Steve Rittenberg, the other Horsefeather and sage of Yankee Stadium, parts with one of his precious season tickets to invite me to a Yankee game. But, in truth, I never got over the trauma of the Dodgers leaving Brooklyn. During the long hot summers of the late thirties and wartime Brooklyn when the only air conditioning was in the local movie house there was not much to do for a ten-year-old boy. (In those days the movie theatres had to remind people of this new convenience with a sign outside that said “AIR COOLED.”) You could play stickball if you could find enough other kids to field two teams, or you could read a Hardy Boys adventure, or you could listen to a Dodgers game being announced by Red Barber on the radio. If you wanted to see the Dodgers you had to pester your mother to give you a dollar. That covered ten cents streetcar fare (roundtrip unless you overate), twenty-five cents to buy a bleachers ticket to Ebbets Field, and fifty cents for lunch—a hot dog, a bag of peanuts, and a Dr. Brown’s Cream Soda—which left fifteen cents for emergencies. Sitting in those Ebbets Field Bleachers, the sun beating down on you for four or five hours at a time, is probably what has made my aging face so vulnerable to skin pathology, but in 1941 who knew about things like that, and who cared. In those days being out in the sunshine was good for you, your mother told you. (Moral: don’t listen to everything your mother tells you. In fact, I later discovered that it would be better if I didn’t listen to anything my mother told me. Except that she loved me—there she knew what she was talking about. ) Which brings me—almost—to what this book is about—people who know what they’re talking about, and people who don’t—myths, baseball myths and their myth-makers. But, hold on, I’m not quite finished with personal history—the Ebbets Field bleachers. The Brooklyn Dodgers and the Dodger fans were special. The Dodgers were Bums and their fans always knew it. But that never stopped us from loving them and rooting for them and dreaming. The Yankees have always been the classiest team in baseball, and while they lived in Brooklyn the Dodgers were always scrounging and stumbling toward a glory they never achieved until I had already left Brooklyn far behind. They were a bunch of low-paid, cast-off ballplayers, much like the Oakland Athletics team was a few years ago when Billy Beane became their General Manager. The destiny of the Brooklyn Dodgers—Dem Bums—was always marked for tragicomedy. They were good and even near-great at times, and they had heart, plenty of heart, but something, usually something wacky would strike out of nowhere to rob them of glory. The dropped third strike was probably the most famous instance of the gods toying with them and breaking their hearts. It was in October of 1941 and the Brooklyn Dodgers had miraculously won the National League Pennant and now they were up against the mighty New York Yankees in the 1941 World Series. Can you beat that—the Brooklyn Dodgers in the World Series against the New York Yankees! A David and Goliath situation if there ever was one. The Yanks had won the first two games in Yankee Stadium, and the Dodgers had, with the help of the screaming Brooklyn fans in little Ebbets Field, won the third game. So the score stood two games to one, Yankees favor. And now, in the fourth game in Brooklyn, the Dodgers are in the lead 4 to 3 in the top of the ninth inning and there are two outs. The slugger, Tommy Henrich, comes up to bat to face Hugh Casey, one of the Dodgers’ most reliable pitchers. Slowly Casey works Henrich to a count of 3 balls and two strikes. The Dodgers are one strike away from tying the series 2-2, and maybe doing the impossible, winning the World Series against players like Joe DiMaggio and Charlie Keller. Mickey Owen, the Dodger catcher calls for a curve ball; Casey winds up and delivers and Henrich swings and misses. Strike three. Game’s over, right? Wrong! The feckless God of Catching, makes Owen drop the third strike, thereby canceling the strike call and allowing Henrich to get on base. Within twenty minutes the Yankees get four more runs and win the game 7 to 4. Which means the Yanks go ahead 3 games to 1 instead of being tied 2-2. The next day the Yanks beat the demoralized Dodgers and take the Series. Now if that isn’t tragicomedy I don’t know what is. There is actually a baseball that exists somewhere inscribed by both Mickey Owen and Tommy Henrich telling the story of the dropped third strike each from his own point of view—like some Norse myth inscribed on a walrus tusk. Tommy Henrich wrote: “Curve ball, 3 & 2, guard the plate. Ball -- high -- starts to break. I start swinging - Ball doesn't stop -- keeps curving -- I try now to hold up -- too late -- ump calls me out -- but as I realize what the ball is doing (believe me) I say to myself, maybe Mickey is having trouble, and I look back and there goes the ball. I reach first easily & our power hitters take over. Final 7-4, series 3-1 instead of 2-2. We win WS next day 3-2."
Fast forward 60 years. From a take-it-easy, local, homespun sport, professional baseball has become big, big business. It looks like the baseball of my youth but not really—the way a twenty-five-year-old looks like he was when he was five. You can see the resemblance—but really very different. How did it happen? Among other things, big time, lucrative TV contracts give rise to national recognition of ballplayers—stars are born. Ballplayers form unions and strike for bigger and bigger pieces of the pie. Free agency is discovered: the baseball equivalent of the Emancipation Proclamation. After six years of indentured servitude at merely a hundred thousand or two a year, a player begins to be courted by player’s agents, business managers, who promise and get them zillion dollar contracts. What this has led to in Big Baseball is rich players looking out for their own interests and in a constant war with rich baseball franchises (no more teams, franchises), and putting themselves up to the highest bidder. The net result is that the most famous players are paid the highest salaries. Are they the best players? Well, you’ve got to read Moneyball to find out. I’ll tell you this though: the second highest paid team in baseball, the New York Mets, is in last place in its division, and the second lowest paid team in baseball, the Oakland Athletics, is in second place in its division. Until a couple of years ago, the accepted wisdom in Big Baseball was that success followed the money. The more you paid for a team of players, the more wins you would get, the more playoffs you would reach and the more pennants you would win. All of that is going with the wind. And Michael Lewis tells the fascinating story of how and why. Lewis is a journalist with wit, intelligence and a deep understanding of what he writes about. It’s a complex story with many characters, but he’s like a master juggler able to keep all the (base)balls in the air while he teaches you about statistics and entertains you at the same time—all effortlessly. The man who started the revolution in Big Baseball several years ago is Billy Beane, General Manager of the poor little Oakland Athletics—the Brooklyn Dodgers of the 21st century. The problem for Beane became extremely acute after 2001 playoffs when the A’s lost three of their best players to free agency—and thus, to richer teams “—three of their proven stars: Jason Isringhausen, Johnny Damon, and [Jason] Giambi.” Since 1997, when Beane became GM he had been thinking of the way to beat the rich fat Goliath franchises with a secret scientific weapon he had been preparing. 2002 was the season it became imperative to use it or get blown away. Most people who love baseball and write about it well are poets and philosophers of the sport. Not Lewis. The story he has fallen in love with is the struggle to demystify baseball. Which began almost twenty years ago in the antic brain of a guy named Bill James. At the University of Kansas James studied economics and literature, but since then he says about himself, “I’d probably be a writer if there were no such thing as baseball, but because there is such a thing as baseball I can’t imagine writing about anything else.” Studying baseball statistics very closely, James came to realize that most of them—errors, runs batted in, batting average—were meaningless as descriptors of game-winning skills for individual ball-players or teams. The concept of a fielding error, for example, is almost entirely subjective, he realized, and doesn’t tell you much about the player who makes one. Michael Lewis enjoys telling how Bill James developed not only a new outlook about baseball—rational or scientific baseball—but meaningful statistical concepts that could lead to predictable results. And how despite James’ astonishing insights he remained unsung and unappreciated in Big Baseball, that is, until Billy Beane came along. Since time immemorial the search for talented ballplayers has been led by baseball scouts, a cadre of gruff, hard-nosed guys who’ve seen thousands of ballplayers, and even played ball themselves. Every team has a corps of these guys and they all turn out to be, under their gruff, hard-nosed exterior, romantics. Because they’re all looking for some perfect Galahad who can run, hit, throw, and look the Galahad part. Here is Lewis’s beautiful description of the life and dream of the baseball scout: “…the argument ...was about how to find a big league ballplayer. In the scouts’ view, you found a big league ballplayer by driving sixty thousand miles, staying in a hundred crappy motels, and eating god knows how many meals at Denny’s all so you could watch 200 high school and college baseball games inside of four months, 199 of which were completely meaningless to you. Most of your worth derived from your membership in the fraternity of old scouts who did this for a living. The other little part came from the one time out of two hundred when you would walk into the ballpark, find a seat on the aluminum plank in the fourth row directly behind the catcher, and see something no one else had seen—at least no one who knew the meaning of it. You only had to see him once….And if you saw it once, you, and only you, would know the meaning of what you saw. You had found the boy who was going to make you famous.” But Billy Beane, a former discovered Galahad himself—a failed Galahad—had a different idea about how to find major league ballplayers: inside a computer using the new and radical ideas of Bill James. It was in this way that he would boost the power of his little 40 million dollar budget slingshot to bring down the 180-million-dollar Goliath franchises. Using smarts and radically fresh baseball ideas was going out a very long way on a limb for Beane. It meant going against a hundred years of received wisdom and putting his managerial status on the line. But, by god, using empirical data to find ball players who can be put together to field a winning team works. The A’s reached the playoffs in 2001 and 2002 with the second lowest player budget in baseball. Sure, a rational approach takes some of the poetry and romance out of baseball. After all you’re not looking for the player with the best body—the Galahad look—but only the one who can learn to control the strike zone, and walk to first base. Short guys, skinny guys, fat guys, guys with club feet—anyone who has a good eye and the patience to wait for a good pitch please apply. Moneyball will become a small classic and deserves to. In it Billy Beane is the crafty Odysseus of baseball who learns to triumph over seemingly insurmountable odds; reason wins out over mystery; Intelligence prevails over money; ordinary guys beat the swing-for-the-fences superstars; and best of all, independent thinking and ingenuity trumps received wisdom and cant. << Back to Horsefeathers |