May 01, 2003

CO-WINNERS OF THE PUNISH FRANCE COMPETITION ARE...

Deb, who wrote:

        Tell Jacques Chirac that we'll open the bidding for the rebuilding efforts to French companies just as soon as he, Jacques Chirac, finishes hand-writing a personal apology to the families of each and every victim of Saddam's torture over the last 12 years.
That ought to keep him busy until he dies.

        And while we're at it, we should purposely misspell his name in any and all correspondence and references to Jack Chiraq

And Francis, who wrote:

        I believe the prescription that best fits le maladie Francaise has already been written by comic genius Terry Gilliam of Monty Python fame:

1. Fart in their general direction;
2. Wave your private parts at their aunties.
This is easier for New Yorkers than for others, of course.

        Regrettably, relatives of Horsefeathers' proprietors are not eligible for the prize, however the impartial judges wish to acknowledge the following entry by Rita Kramer:

        Make them read every modern French philosopher from Jean Paul Sartre to Jacques Lacan--no skipping pages allowed. Tell them there will be an exam. The lowest scorers will have to go on reading them over until they get it right.

        The winners are invited to submit, at their convenience, any essay they wish to write on a topic of their choosing.
Thanks to all contributors. In a better world, all the suggested punishments would be swiftly carried out.