February 08, 2003

NEWS BULLETIN: LIBERALS SURRENDER!

2-8-03 (10:00am EST)

Breaking News: Liberal pundits accept surrender terms.
      Mc'Grory, Keller, Matthews, Raines turn in their word processors, accept defeat. Media liberals disarming in droves. Kristof and Dowd still holding out, though their ultimate willingness to go down with the ship is uncertain.

      After months of relentless attacks on the Bush administration, liberals failed to anticipate the Colin Powell flanking maneuver at the UN. They were stunned by his vigorous case for the use of force, and were helpless to oppose the man they idealized as the one voice of reason amongst the bullying war lovers in the Bush administration. In order to make surrender easier on their self-esteem they were offered the face saving opportunity of asserting it was Powell, not Bush, who persuaded them to cease undermining the administration's efforts to confront Saddam and his WMD's.
      The terms of surrender include: 1)a complete end to moral equivalency arguments, such as: "American imperialist designs are as great a threat to the world as Saddam" 2) No further insistence that the United States can do nothing about Saddam until it has given Palestinian terrorists a state. 3)No more ritual condemnation of the administration's "unilateralism" or its "rush to war". 4)Liberal pundits will be required to acknowledge their erroneous predictions of mass casualties in Afghanistan and the violent eruption of the Arab street. 5)All liberal pundits will be required to read Victor Davis Hanson before their next appearance on MSNBC.
      If all terms of surrender are accepted, the liberal punditocracy will be allowed, without objection, to continue condescending to President Bush. An example of the wide latitude for expressing sneering disdain can be found in today's Bill Keller column. Liberals will be permitted to continue mocking the President as a cowboy, and pointing out such significant things as that his lip curls in pleasure when he notes that some of our dead enemies are "no longer a problem".
      Finally, recognizing the fragile self esteem of the liberal punditocracy, no challenge will be raised to the fatuous belief that their own verbal skills constitute evidence of superior intelligence. Instead they will be permitted to blather on about how, really, the administration is following their advice after all.

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