October 12, 2002

Nobel Peace Prize Announcement

(Routers-10/12/2002)
    In a departure from precedence, Gunnar Berge, Norway's chairman of the Nobel Peace Prize Committee announced the short list of candidates for the 2003 Prize. "These outstanding candidates represent a 'kick in the groin'* to the war mongering Bush administration. In these dangerous times we have included names of several outstanding posthumous candidates, as well as contemporaries. Though some might quibble with their methods, each has been a searcher for peace. We know this because they all said so. "
    1) Adolph Hitler for his tireless efforts to rid the world of the 'Jewish problem'. Though he failed to achieve complete success, his cause has been taken up by a recent Nobel Peace laureate, Yassir Arafat.
    2) Joseph Stalin for his long struggle to achieve an egalitarian socialist utopia. His willingness to eliminate millions who refused to acknowledge the desirability of this effort stamped him as a true leader for peace. He, like Hitler, realized the need to rid utopia of Jews and devoted his later years to this difficult task.
    3) Fidel Castro, maximum leader of the Cuban socialist revolution. He receives this citation for his work in creating a peaceful utopia free, not only of Jews, but of homosexuals and AIDS carriers, poets and artists. His innovative use of gulags to accomplish this places him firmly in the tradition of the other Peace Prize nominees and laureates.
    4) Vidkun Quisling. It is with special pride that the Norwegian Peace Prize committee selects one of its own countrymen. Vidkun Quisling served the people of Norway and the world tirelessly. After a distinguished career as the Norwegian Defense Minister he founded the fascist party and in 1940 helped prepare for Hitler's conquest of Norway. He was appointed premier in 1942 continuing to carry out Hitler's peaceful agenda until the war ended. Through an unfortunate misunderstanding of his motives he was arrested, convicted of treason and shot.
    5) David Bonior and Jim Mc'Dermott. The Nobel Committee wishes to take note of the courageous willingness of these American Congressman to stand against the war mongering Bush administration, reminding us that the prime threat to world peace comes not from Saddam Hussein but from George W. Bush. After all, like several of our nominees Saddam knows how much more peaceful the world would be without those troublesome Jews.

    * A Danish colloquial expression equivalent to our 'slap in the face'.

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